Good Intentions

An opportunity has come up for me at work to become the Rehab Manager. Initially, my thought was “no way”. I didn’t think I could deal with the crazy stuff that comes up in that kind of position and I didn’t think I wanted to. Then I began to think maybe I could and maybe it would be good for me. I started thinking of all the good things about it… name recognition, professional respect, feeling like I’m important, it would be fun to say I’m the ‘boss’, a little more money, looking good on my resume, respect from my family. I started thinking of the bad things that could come from it… falling on my face, looking stupid in front of people I’ve worked to earn respect from, not being able to handle the pressure, letting down the therapy department, losing what our previous manager had worked hard to get for us. I talked to everyone (Zach, mom, dad, co-workers, etc.) and found out what they thought, mostly looking for support that I could actually do it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, ‘I should really pray about this”. I continued to think about it and kept putting off praying about it. Hard as it is to admit, it has been awhile since me and my Savior had a good heart-to-heart and I didn’t want Him to think that I was just coming to Him with something serious. Crazy thinking… I know.

Last night, I finally did it. I was on my knees before the One who had never really left me. He’s just waiting. I told Him many things that were on my heart and confessed things that were long overdue. Then I got to the whole work thing. I apologized for putting Him last. And then I listed every reason I had come up with for taking the position… one by one realizing that none of them really mattered. He showed me this verse “When people work, their wages are not a gift. Workers earn what they receive. But people are declared righteous because of their faith, not because of their work” Romans 4:4-5. I was starting to come to the conclusion that maybe this wasn’t the right timing. And then I was reminded of when I went to China. You see, that was something that probably no one would have guessed I would ever do. Not me. I certainly never dreamed it, nor did I think I could do it until I had that peace that only He could give and knew that He was going to see me through. I never looked back and He was faithful and glorified because it was only through Him that I was able to make it. He alone received all the glory and credit. Isn’t that what He’s about, using people to do things they can’t do on their own so that His Name is glorified.

With that thought, I realized that taking the position as manager would be something that I can not do on my own. It will be like one of those little neon fishes trying to find their way through a sea of sharks.

But you know what… I’m excited about it. I’m excited to have something that I really am not comfortable with and will have to rely on Him to see me through, to give me what I need, and to see His name glorified in my life. It won’t be easy, but I want to be like Abraham… “Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything he promised.” Romans 4:20-21

I still am not certain that I will get the position, but I sure am thankful for the lessons learned.