My First Night Away...

For my license each year, I have to have 10 hours of continuing education. My boss let me know about a course that was in Lexington that was very appropriate for what I'm doing now that I'm back from maternity leave. She was offering to pay the registration for me and another girl to go.

We drove up late on Friday night and then the course was all day Saturday and we came back that evening.

Knowing that my little man would be in good hands with his Daddy, I wasn't too worried about him. I just knew I would miss him like crazy! I was also a little worried about where I would do all my pumping. I was picturing an old run down hospital and having to get in a bathroom stall to pump. I was also a little concerned about where I'd pump at the hotel... I know the girl but not that well and I didn't really want to pump in the same room.

God was so very faithful and the hotel we stayed at had a separate little living room with a door. It was perfect! And the hospital was super nice! The "basement" was very nice with flat screen tvs in the lobby. I asked the receptionist if she knew of a place I could pump and she went and got security to open one of the classrooms off the lobby so I could have privacy. It was so nice!

I also got the following picture/video updates on my little man throughout the day/night...

Aunt Jessica stayed and helped get him to bed...


He woke Daddy up at 5:30...


Hanging out with Mamaw for a little while...


Getting a little nap in before Mommy got home...


And my favorite... saying "hi" to Mommy...

The One Lens Sunglasses

So as already mentioned, I was sick all weekend. But I really was feeling much better until Monday. Work was pretty much awful. I was miserable and not in a very caring mood toward my patients. I had this particular patient that I had to see three times. I saw her in the morning and she literally was falling asleep in her wheelchair while answering my questions.

I needed to see her with lunch and she absolutely refused to eat. Normally, I'm pretty good at getting people to cooperate but I could not/did not want to fight her. So I didn't.

During our final session of the day she came to therapy carrying her purse. I asked her where she was going and she said she was going to get something to eat. Imagine that. She was hungry. I managed to get her to participate with most of therapy and then at the end she started looking through her purse. She got her car keys and I asked her where she was going. Again she told me she was going to get something to eat and then to visit her son. I reminded her she was in the hospital and was not able to go anywhere. She didn't care. She continued searching through her purse until she found her glasses case. She then got out her sunglasses and put them on. The funny thing was, she only had one lens. The other lens had popped out and she didn't notice. She looked down and saw the lens, so she picked it up and just carefully put the lens in the frame (no screw) and let go. Of course it popped out.

I was not feeling so terrible as to not do something about all of this, I tried. But she wouldn't let me. She was determined. It took her several tries with the sunglasses lens before she gave up and put on her regular glasses.

Thankfully, she had another therapy session after mine and I was able to pass her on to the next therapist and leave her in good hands.

Even though I was feeling terrible, I was able to find humor in the situation.

Passing on the Fun

This morning I had my yearly review at my old job. (I had to have this since I am staying on with the company PRN and I want to be eligible for my raise!) I met with my boss and really wasn't quite sure what to expect from the meeting. Typically meetings with them take a while as we sort out how things are going and what my new goals will be, but considering I am now "just" one of the therapists I wasn't sure if we would go through all that or not.

We didn't. And it was great!

She went over the paperwork that my other boss had filled out and I got great reviews. There were some really nice comments including "stepping into a difficult situation" and "compassion and patience beyond her years". I was so thrilled! It meant so much to know that they respected what I had tried to do and that they recognized I put forth a lot of effort. There was not one negative thing mentioned.

The only thing they requested was that I train the lady taking my place. Done.

After hours and hours of talking and introducing and explaining and being diplomatic and choosing careful words I think that I have given my replacement as much information as I can give. I tried very hard to introduce her to the company and their values as well as prepare her for the issues she would be facing. I was as open and direct as I could be, in a nice way. Trying carefully to let her form her own opinions about people and situations and not take my opinion as truth.

I feel pretty good about what she will do. She is experienced and seems to be pretty perceptive. She agrees with things I have warned her about and her observations about certain people have been similar to mine. Which confirms that I am not totally crazy and should have spoken up about how I was treated before it got to the point I did not want to deal with it anymore. But that's over and done. She has great intentions and good ideas and is a hard worker. She will be fine.

She also has something I didn't have. Me. Someone who has been there. Someone she can trust. Someone she can vent to and not worry about where it will go or if she is crossing any lines. Someone who can come in and help with patient visits while she tries to deal with staff issues and still get home at a decent hour.

I laughed when she told me she was getting bored at her old job and felt she was up for the challenge.

There will be no time for her to be bored.

And I'm happy to help when I can. I love having the option of saying no. And I find it interesting that many of the people I worked with have told me in the days since leaving that I look so much more relaxed. I still haven't decided if that's good or bad. I don't like thinking that I wasn't hiding how I was feeling very well and that people who don't know me that well picked up on the fact that I was stressed out. On the other hand, it's true. I am more relaxed. I love my new job(s).

And I'm glad that people can see that. The real me.

Funny Patients

I have the privilege of working with our elderly population. I love to get them talking about things that are special to them, trying to get their mind on something other than the fact that they are in a hospital. So many times they say and do the funniest things. Here are a couple recent examples...

* I was talking with Mr. A about the fact that he still had a farmer's tan. I asked what he liked to do outside and he began talking about his garden and his dog. Both of which I can totally relate to! We continued working on exercises and I was explaining why we do one of them a particular way which led to a discussion of cake. He was telling me that he used to own a bakery and that he had taken lots of decorating classes and had a pretty successful little business for a while. He then told me about some the customers he had, including some men who would request what he described as "pornographic" cakes. He was not trying to be rude or inappropriate, he was simply telling me about what he used to do. He started laughing and said that when he took pictures of cakes he didn't take pictures of those cakes because he didn't really advertise that kind of thing. All I could do was laugh. I did not ask any more questions!

* One of my very favorite things to do is to allow people who have not been able to talk for a while because of a trach/vent placement to allow them and their families the chance to hear their voice for the first time. I had done this with Mr. M and his wife had stepped out of the room. When she came back in, I asked him what he wanted to tell her, thinking it would be something sweet since he actually talked in a couple months. His first response to her was "Did you get them out?" I then learned he was referring to his sister and her husband who had been visiting and apparently they do not stop talking.

* We had a patient once tell us the following story... She had been picked up from the hospital by the ambulance who had been directed to take her to a local nursing home. Somehow she convinced the drivers that they should take her to her house, that she would be fine. They listend to her. They actually drove her to her house and took her inside and left her there. Alone. Three days later her family found her there and took her back to the hospital. By the time she got to us she was doing much better and was telling us that she did not remember any of it. She has no idea how she convinced the drivers to taker her home, nor how she functioned for 3 days. Alone.


* Please note that for privacy reasons a patient's name/gender/diagnosis/treatment described does not refer actual patient.

Resignation

About a month ago I had a meltdown. Every time I felt like I would get ahead on issues at work, I would fall ten steps back. I was tired of dealing with issues that really do not matter to me. Tired of trying to do the right thing and it still not being enough. Tired of being an advocate for a department that people do not understand. Tired of feeling like even my very best efforts were never going to be good enough. And I lost it.

I held it together well enough at work, but thanks to my mother's side of the family, there was no way I could hide my tears and that I was upset. So I left. At 2:30 in the afternoon on a Wednesday I left. I stacked up my stuff, left paperwork undone, charges not entered, left patients unseen, grabbed my purse and left.

I cried all the way home. And a little more when I got home. My sweet husband did his best to console me but it was no easy job. We went out to dinner and he made the suggestion that I just go ahead start looking elsewhere. It's been talked about before but until then, I just wasn't ready. And he and I both knew that I could not just step down as Lead Therapist and stay as SLP. The issues would still be there and it would just be too hard.

That night I started looking for positions. The next night I submitted my application online and by Friday morning I had interview for the next week.

Monday morning I turned in my four weeks notice. I felt good about it. I had prayed and prayed over it and I just knew it was the right thing to do. It was hard, but I felt good after it was over. Thankfully, my bosses were receptive and supportive, but also very clearly let me know they would like me stay. I politely told them thanks, but I was ready to move on. I announced it to a shocked therapy department at both facilities that afternoon. No one had any idea except for my closest friend at work and all were surprised, but totally understood. They all know the stress and difficult time I've had.

My next task... to find a job.

Re-Grand Opening

I have so much respect for my dad. In the last year I have a new kind of respect for him in relation to his job. No matter what stress his job brought, he rarely brought it home with him. And it was even rarer that Ben and I would know anything about it. Mostly he would tell us the funny and crazy stories about job applicants who can't spell their school name or customers who are just plain crazy.

Since I have taken on the manager role at work, I have called him many times asking for advice or just telling him how amazed I am that he has done this for all these years. (27 years as of June 13). He just laughs and shakes his head. But I know he likes his job, sometimes he even loves it. He's good at what he does. He is fair and honest. And in a secular job world full of not-very-nice people and bosses he has kept his integrity and has the respect of the people who work for him and the people he works for.

He's been very busy lately with changes in the company and changes in how they do things, but he always answers my calls. No matter if he's in the middle of a conference call, meeting with a manager, or driving to his next location he will answer when I call. And when I ask if he's busy, which I already know he probably is, he answers with "never to0 busy for you".

On May 23, the morning we left on vacation, I got to go with him (at the crack of dawn) to a store re-opening. The store had just finished a complete remodel and they were celebrating. I love to watch him and watch how he interacts with everyone around him. And I am proud to be introduced as his daughter and be told I look just like my mom!































What would a re-grand opening be without a cheer? (The really funny part of this was the practice session before the ceremonies started and seeing dad correct them!)

I love you dad. Happy Father's Day!

Just when I needed it...

Last week was a long week at work. Nothing terrible going on, just a lot of stuff to get done and long hours to get it done in. And just when He knew I needed it....

I was encouraged by the words of my parents and their perseverance even in not-so-fun times at their own jobs.

I read this.

And my grandmother decided to share her most recent poem with me.

THE WORD OF GOD

Let the Word of God that’s in you
Stir in your heart each day
Knowing It will strengthen you
And ever guide your way

For It is filled with wisdom
And promises galore
That provide you with solutions
To what you’re searching for

You only need to go to It
Believing It is true
Not letting doubt and unbelief
Come in to hinder you

Applying all It’s principles
And using every key
That you might be the conqueror
That God called you to be

Going forth in His anointing
That always you succeed
Because you put your trust in Him
To meet your every need

For He is more than able
And His Word is complete
To bring you out of any storm
And keep you from defeat

Kay Smith Crouch
February 22, 2008

Happy Day

It has been a week of ups and downs as Zach has interviewed for and been offered a position we really thought would be good for us and him. After further consideration of the true time commitment and lack of incentive to make this major time commitment, we believe it is best that he stays where he is. Especially since his current company really wants to keep him and is willing to support that with monetary incentive.

What a blessing it is to see my husband happy in his work and in knowing that his work truly is appreciated. So despite my not-so-fabulous work week, today is a very happy day. I got to see my husbands eyes light up and know his work is appreciated! I love it!

Thursday Thirteen

Because I tend to only share the hard and not-so-good parts of my job, I wanted share thirteen reasons why I really like my job.

1. Pay Day.

2. People who are at their worst and are still kind and say "thank you".

3. Being able to tell someone they are safe to eat when they haven't had anything by mouth for weeks.

4. Husbands feeding their wifes because she gets too tired feeding herself.

5. Co-workers who truly care about their patients despite all the "crap" we deal with.

6. Watching a family member's face when their loved one is able to talk for the first time in weeks after being on a ventilator.

7. Patients who come in with tubes, IVs, breathing machines, and are virtually unresponsive and walk out.

8. Co-workers who do things that are not in their job description... because it's the right thing to do.

9. Flexible hours.

10. PTO.

11. Pay Day. (this deserves to be mentioned twice!)

12. Changing caseload. Different types of patients. And that my patients usually are only their about a month before moving to the next level of care.

13. Patients who are pleasantly confused and the crazy comments they come up with.

It's not 1957

There are times when I really love my job. I love the patients that I work with and the fun things that they say. Many of my patients are, at least on some level, confused. They are not oriented to where they are, what day it is, or why they are in the hospital. Part of my job is to review orientation information with my patients.

Today I asked a patient if he knew what year it was. His answer was "57". I said "1957". To which he shook his head in agreement. I shook my head and said "No. It's not 1957. It is actually 2008." His jaw dropped open and his eyes got really big. He genuinely couldn't believe it. "Are you sure?", he said. To which I said "Yes. I'm pretty sure." He still didn't believe me.

I wanted to tell him that if it were 1957 I would not be the one asking him questions, since my parents were not born until 1958.

Fun times.

Time Flies

Time flies. I know it has been a while. Sometimes I just think I have to much to do that I just don't want to do anything. That includes updating my blog. In reality, I don't have that much to do, I just don't want to do the things on my list such as cleaning my house and organizing my scrapbooking. Time management and being a better use of the time I have been given is definitely on my list of things to do. And so here is a brief update...

Two weekends ago I went to Clarksville for the weekend. It was some much needed time to just be at home with my family. Home cooked meals with my parents and Ben (who decided to come see his favorite sis for the weekend!), sleeping in, lazy morning in pjs with mom, hair cut (4 1/2 inches off the length!), and buying new make-up were fun parts of the weekend. Saturday night my parents were going to the APSU basketball game so I decided to hang out with Lynz and her family for the night. Just like I was 13 years old, my parents dropped me off at her house and picked me up after the game. It was fun! Mostly I just didn't want to make the drive to "town" by myself when I didn't have to. Lynz and I passed the time quickly with our chit-chatting. Similar to our teenage days and yet so different considering our conversation topics included "grown-up" things like husbands, kids, siblings, schedules, work, cleaning, cooking, how are grandparents are aging and it's hard to see, and of course a little gossip about our high school friends. I loved getting to play with her little girl who loves her Aunt Angela! She is getting so big and I just love to hear her talk. We played dress-up and little game she likes called "bring all the toys from my room into the kitchen for Aunt Angela to bring back to my room". I adore that little girl! Before we knew it my dad was there to pick me up. Oh how the time flies.

Work last week was crazy with a huge increase in my patient load and almost all of them "good" patients in that they really needed to be seen as much as I could see them. I lost one of my patients that I had grown attached to (him and his wife)... she will meet him again one day on the other side of heaven. My heart ached and still aches for his little wife left to deal with, among other things, her refrigerator giving out on her during the time he was in the hospital, now going home alone. On Valentine's Day. The same day, I lost another patient who happened to be one of our success stories. He started off bad and got much better and was ready to move on to a place for a little more rehab. The best part was he got to have Valentine's dinner with his wife of over 50 years who had also moved into his new facility. So sweet.

Last weekend we had dinner with some friends on Friday night, I went shopping and only spent $34 thanks to gift cards, and we celebrated Zach's friend's birthday Saturday night. The highlight of the night was when we were all at dinner at a Chinese resteraunt and one of the couple's little girl was walking around kind of unsteadily (she's a little over a year). Zach was watching her walk around and said "When we get one of those, we're going to have to get rid of our furniture!" He was referring to our coffee tables with pointy edges and was picturing little eyes being poked out because of our furniture. I thought it was hilarious. Mostly that he referred to the little girl as "one of those". One of these days...

Management 101...

I've graduated.

And after the week I had last week, I believe I've graduated from Management 201 as well.

Lessons hard-learned....

If people would not complain about other people behind their backs (which always results in hurt feelings) I'm convinced that people would be happier at work.

Not everyone has the same work ethic as I was raised to have.

Our work-force is full of people who are working very hard to do as little as they can at work.

People really do feel threatened at work sometimes.

It hurts, that heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, sick-feeling kind of hurt, when someone you trusted does something to lose all of your respect and trust. Forever. And you can't tell anyone.

The world is made up of sinful people and it yet it is still surprising when we do sinful things.

I'm thankful that there is a such thing as an HR department and legal department.

If people would do what is expected of them in their job and a few things that "aren't in their job description" I'm convinced that people would be happier at work.

My God is bigger than any complaint, concern, new program design, or eye-opening situation that can come my way. He is ready, willing, and able to lead me to make smart decisions. And He is there as my shoulder to cry on when I realize this world is a hard place to be in.

My First Page

Today I awoke to something I haven't seen in a long time... rain. I got ready, even dried my hair all the way. Crazy, right. Why dry your hair all the way if it's raining outside. Well... today was my introduction (officially) as lead therapist and I wanted to make a good impression. Mostly, I just wanted to feel somewhat put together. If you feel good, you are more confidant. At least that's what I've found and I needed confidence today.

I attended my first leadership meeting, thankfully with the now former lead therapist new CEO there to help with the transition. To say I have big shoes to fill is an understatement. She's moving and is going to be greatly missed. She passed on the "pager" to me. And yes, people still use pagers. I've never used one, but I guess it can't be that hard. I was getting ready to leave this afternoon and I felt the pager going off. And so it begins.

I called the number, which was an unfamiliar area code, trying to decide how I was supposed to answer the page. The person answered and I said who I was... only to find out that they were trying to get in touch with the former lead therapist related to her new position. I tracked down her information and passed it along. Fun times!!

I'm excited!! I work with lots of good people who will be more than willing to help me and I will learn all kinds of new and exciting things!!

Good Intentions

An opportunity has come up for me at work to become the Rehab Manager. Initially, my thought was “no way”. I didn’t think I could deal with the crazy stuff that comes up in that kind of position and I didn’t think I wanted to. Then I began to think maybe I could and maybe it would be good for me. I started thinking of all the good things about it… name recognition, professional respect, feeling like I’m important, it would be fun to say I’m the ‘boss’, a little more money, looking good on my resume, respect from my family. I started thinking of the bad things that could come from it… falling on my face, looking stupid in front of people I’ve worked to earn respect from, not being able to handle the pressure, letting down the therapy department, losing what our previous manager had worked hard to get for us. I talked to everyone (Zach, mom, dad, co-workers, etc.) and found out what they thought, mostly looking for support that I could actually do it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, ‘I should really pray about this”. I continued to think about it and kept putting off praying about it. Hard as it is to admit, it has been awhile since me and my Savior had a good heart-to-heart and I didn’t want Him to think that I was just coming to Him with something serious. Crazy thinking… I know.

Last night, I finally did it. I was on my knees before the One who had never really left me. He’s just waiting. I told Him many things that were on my heart and confessed things that were long overdue. Then I got to the whole work thing. I apologized for putting Him last. And then I listed every reason I had come up with for taking the position… one by one realizing that none of them really mattered. He showed me this verse “When people work, their wages are not a gift. Workers earn what they receive. But people are declared righteous because of their faith, not because of their work” Romans 4:4-5. I was starting to come to the conclusion that maybe this wasn’t the right timing. And then I was reminded of when I went to China. You see, that was something that probably no one would have guessed I would ever do. Not me. I certainly never dreamed it, nor did I think I could do it until I had that peace that only He could give and knew that He was going to see me through. I never looked back and He was faithful and glorified because it was only through Him that I was able to make it. He alone received all the glory and credit. Isn’t that what He’s about, using people to do things they can’t do on their own so that His Name is glorified.

With that thought, I realized that taking the position as manager would be something that I can not do on my own. It will be like one of those little neon fishes trying to find their way through a sea of sharks.

But you know what… I’m excited about it. I’m excited to have something that I really am not comfortable with and will have to rely on Him to see me through, to give me what I need, and to see His name glorified in my life. It won’t be easy, but I want to be like Abraham… “Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything he promised.” Romans 4:20-21

I still am not certain that I will get the position, but I sure am thankful for the lessons learned.

Week In Review

This has been a crazy and kind of emotional week. Mom was on Fall Break from school and what better way to spend some of her time off than with her favorite daughter. She came on Monday and was here when I got home from work. My sweet husband fixed us dinner and we got to watch our wedding video for the first time. Zach and I were not terribly excited about how the video turned out (since editing is what he does for a living, there were lots of things about the video that we thought could have been better). Regardless, it was fun to watch our ceremony for the first time. This trip down memory lane got mom and I prepared for the real reason she came... to work on the wedding scrapbook. We had a grand plan that she would come for a couple of days and together we could get the whole thing done! Monday night we kinda thought through the layout and such and then looked through the pictures. This was no easy task and took us a loooonnnggg time.

Tuesday, Mom's job was to go get copies and prints of all the pictures we were going to use while I worked a half-day at work. For lunch we went to this really cute tea room just a couple of miles from my house called Lulu's Tea Room. We had a girly lunch and yummy homemade desert to get us ready for scrapbooking. Not before we took a quick nap to really get us ready.
Then it happened. That overwhelming feeling you get when there is so much to do and so little time to do it in. By 4:00 we were just getting started. I was getting frustrated from the "what do you think" "i don't know" "what do you think" conversation that seemed to just keep going round and round resulting in nothing productive. Finally, we decided to each just pick a page and start. Getting started is half the battle. Once we got started it was great!! We had a blast, though we knew there was no way we could finish that night. We decided mom could come back for a weekend and we would work on it some more then. Oh, the memories and emotions that came up as we were working. Fun times.

Thursday was a hard day. It was what we at work called "d-day". You see one of the sites, the site that I work at, is going to be closing in just a couple of months. Several people were going to be losing their jobs and it was on this day that 'they' were going to tell us who it would be. Thankfully, I already knew that I would be safe and would be transferring one of the other sites when this one closed. It still was seeing people that I have grown to enjoy working with and respect as professionals find out they were going to have to find work elsewhere. I think the hardest part is knowing the stories behind the people... newly married, just bought a house, single mom, someone just bought a house, been with the company a while, just started with the company, about to have a baby. No one was safe. Now granted, I understand that the people making these decisions had a very hard time. No one wanted to do this and it was just something that had to be done. They couldn't base their decisions on people's stories because then who could they get rid of. Everyone has a story. They were the fairest they could be and carefully thought through decisions, but still it hurts. While I am grateful that I have a job, it will be like starting a new job here in a couple of months as we play fruit-basket-turn-over and learn to work with new people and with familiar people in a new setting.

This weekend I have spent trying to think as little as possible. I've watched football, napped, watched more football, enjoyed worship this morning, and am now watching a little more football. I love a fall weekend!!

Work Willingly

"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ." Colossians 3:23-24

This verse was part of my devotion the other night and it really hit me hard. I have gotten into sort of a rhythm, especially at work and I really needed this reminder. When I first started a little over a year ago, I was nervous and always on alert. Before I stepped foot in the hospital I would pray that the Lord would see me through whatever situation or patient came my way. I had gotten out of that habit, mostly because things were not so scary anymore. But, what has been scary for me is how complacent I have become about how I feel about the patients. I still enjoy what I do, but I don't always have the same compassion I had... especially when compared to when I first started.

This verse was a wake-up call that the Lord has placed me here for a reason and I am to do my work for the Lord. It's amazing at how much more joy I get from working with the patients when I try and see them as He would see them.

Do Your Job

Most people would consider me to be a quiet-natured person. I tend to keep opinions and feelings to myself, especially when they are negative. This is even more true when I am at work. I try to be professional, helpful, and go above and beyond whatever I can do to make things easier for the people that I depend on to do my job and to do it well. The problem is when other people want to do the bare minimum to get their job done and do not consider how this is going to affect other people.

For example. When a test has to be done in radiology the patient must be transported downstairs. This involves a "transporter" actually coming and getting the patient and transporting them downstairs. The patients that I tend to work with are the sickest of the sick and often have numerous tubes and lines and cords and things that must be untangled and moved out of the way all the while cramming a stretcher into a small room with an already oversized bed. Not to mention the chairs and bedside tables and supplies that may be laying around that must be moved. Needless to say this is not an easy task, however as a "transporter" this is part of the job. When they decide to wait around and find other things to do do besides coming to get my patients it makes my job and the nurse's job even harder because we have to wait. Today I was told that they often just put off coming to get my patients because they are "so difficult to deal with". I then proceeded to let that person know, not in my usual calm manner, that it was their job to deal with it.

I know it's not easy, I work just as hard and do everything I can to make it easier but sometimes you just have to suck it up for the good of the patients and actually do your job.